WHY MOST PEOPLE DON'T DISCOVER THEIR LIFE'S PURPOSE

"The deepest form of despair is to choose to be another than himself." Soren Kierkegaard

We are led to believe that the goal of life is to achieve upward social mobility, create a profession, amass money, compete (and win), and wield power. Even if we acknowledge to ourselves that we aren't satisfied by the trappings of success, we all too frequently cling to our illusions since they are all we know. Here is what I'd like to suggest: Perhaps our purpose is unrelated to what we do for a livelihood. Perhaps our goal is to live honestly and discover who we really are. Most people will never understand this point of view. Here's why.

You live from the outside in, not the inside out.

From an early age, people are trained to turn on others for guidance. Social norming is an essential aspect of infancy because it teaches you how to behave in regard to others, but the issue arises when you expand that process to include something as personal as your life goal. Some have gained our confidence and the capacity to assist us in discovering our one-of-a-kind purpose. Consider yourself fortunate if this describes you! However, most people, even the well-intentioned, want to put us into a slot that makes more sense for them. You voluntarily slip into the slot to earn their approval. To keep the approval, you learn to constantly deny who you are. In far too many instances, you are living someone else's life script.

The first thing you do is search for a job, then listen for a calling.

Our culture has reduced success to a checklist of boxes to be checked: graduate from high school, marry, have children, settle into a well-defined professional path, and hold on until retirement payments arrive. This well-worn route leads individuals to compliance rather than purpose.

We're so preoccupied with avoiding self-inflicted worries of not being [fill in the blank] enough—smart enough, creative enough, beautiful enough—that we seldom pause to question, "Is it possible for me to be happy and fulfilled? And, if not, what should I do to make things better?" Listening to an inner calling is the key to discovering your mission. Parker Palmer argues in "Allow Your Life Speak" that we should let our lives speak to us rather than telling them what we want them to do. A calling is fervent and obsessive. It begins as an idea ("I'd like to try that") and grows into a command that you can't get out of your head. A calling is not an easy road to take, which is why most of us never discover it. We are afraid of the fight, the folly, the danger, and the unknown. So we choose a profession because it checks all of the boxes we've been taught to check.

You despise silence.

You despise quiet. We live in a culture that despises quiet. It places a premium on activity. However, life without quiet is perilous. Without it, you may come to believe that your ego—and all it desires—is your purpose. If you act out this situation, you'll see that it doesn't end well. If you live a life where your ego is in control, you'll end up with burnout—and a burning question— "I have a wonderful life. Why am I unsatisfied?" Silence muffles the noise and makes room for sincerity to emerge. In quiet, you may ask yourself questions about your life and job and stop to wait for a response. In quiet, you allow the facts of your life to coalesce into a few lessons. However, before the teachings have a chance to sink in, you're on to the next distraction. You're not fond of your dark side. Carl Jung referred to it as the shadow. It's the side of your personality that you'd prefer no one see. It symbolizes your flaws, shortcomings, and selfish motivations. Most of us leave before anybody else sees this aspect. But here's the thing: the darkest part of you has the most to teach you about your mission. If finding your mission is really about self-discovery, your darkness will reveal you where you need to develop the most. More significantly, it identifies people you need to learn from the most. And the individuals you dislike the most have the most to teach you about yourself. However, the majority of people overlook the negative aspects. Instead, you want cozy connections that reinforce worn-out, stale ideas of oneself.

You have a low opinion of what happens in the subconscious mind.

In "The Social Animal," David Brooks criticizes our culture's belief that "the conscious mind writes the autobiography of our species." Like Brooks, I think our society has a low regard for the unconscious mind and all it represents: emotion, intuition, impulses, and sensitivity. You must get acquainted with the non-logical mind in order to find your mission. You must become used to not knowing the answers. You must be able to endure uncertainty and accept that you will struggle. You must give yourself permission to feel profoundly. It is impossible to think your way to a meaningful existence. However, for most individuals, this is a big request. One that they reject, laugh at, scorn, or completely disregard. As a result, the majority of us will go through life without knowing what our real mission is.